Reed Hastings, Evil Doer!

This may be a bit late, but let's talk about Senor Hastings! 

Reed Hastings, maker of Netflix and destroyer of Netflix, has made some unpopular decisions as of late.  Stocks are down, consumer respect is down, and expectations are WAY down.

Who knew every idea from Hastings little brain wouldn't be an incredible gift to mankind?  (http://blog.netflix.com/2011/09/explanation-and-some-reflections.html).

People cite his arrogance, his email, his terrible Qwikster idea (not made by Nestle, though they adopted the rabbit).

However, I believe it goes deeper than arrogance and ignorance.

People were just tired of him pushing Instant Streaming down their throats, when it wasn't that tasty to begin with.  The Streaming quality (both selection wise and technologically) just wasn't there.  If you're going to split your company and try to push where you SAW a business going, it better be READY to go there.

I guess when you are ignorant to what made your company great, rude to the customers that made you who you are, and release an apology rich with an "I don't care how you feel, I'd do it again" attitude, your business suffers.

Who knew?

Hastings is on the offensive now.  He's hoping to drum up business, regain stock, and gain forgiveness from his loyal consumer base.

In the meantime, the old CEO has released this photo.

And he means that from the bottom of his heart.

A new American Pie? Be still my heart!

That's right, geeky Michelle and geekier Jim will be playing in a new movie which will find them with a child at their ten year reunion.  Dime Wars- A dime is how much this movie will make

It's going to suck.

To be fair, they asked for salt around the rim of the sippy cup...

In Detroit, a city where nothing bad ever happens, something bad happened. 

Applebee's is in a great deal of trouble after "inadvertenly" serving alcohol to an extreme minor.  And by extreme minor, I mean a 15 month old.  Fox News- What's the big deal? We mix things up, like the truth and fiction, all the time...

Either the legal age has gone WAY down or someone f***ed up. 

A mother ordered her son an applejuice with his meal and somehow he was served a margarita in a sippy cup... which is exactly how I like mine served.

The mother didn't notice anything was amiss until her son started acting very untoddler-like... speaking incoherently... giggling to excess... and his inability to drive properly.

The strangest part about an alcoholic drink being served to their table was that NO alcohol was ordered at the table. A mix up to this degree hasn't happened since Jeff Goldblum and a fly tested the extent of genetics.

Apparently the drink came from a container with the wrong label.  Which makes sense.  I mean Margarita is so similar to Apple Juice in spelling and color... it's an easy mistake we've all made.

This isn't the first time an incident has happened.  In New York, a 5 year old was given a Long Island Iced Tea. 

His fake I.D. must've been brilliant.

New Dinosaur gives credibility to worst career choice a person can make

Ghost Ranch, New Mexico now has a claim to fame besides being the most ridiculous named city in the United States.  They have discovered a new dinosaur, which they have affectionately titled "buck toothed evil lizard."

The dinosaur looks something like this...

I know... pretty horrifying.  However, in it's day, it was a champion card player.  No one could see through its poker face.

The dinosaur is being considered a missing link between species of the "early" dinos and the "later" ones.  The "early" ones are best categorized as extremely polite and punctual whereas the "late" ones usually turned out to be pregnant.

This dino, which lived about 205 million years ago (ten years after Larry King was born), probably fed on other dinosaurs and small animals.  This means it was a meat eater... like the Tyrannasaurus or Carmen Electra.

The dinosaur may have died in any number of ways.  Most likely?  Volcanic activity.  Least likely?  Bookies breaking both his legs and tossing him into the river for a refusal to pay back gambling debts after going for a "sure thing" with the Lakers.

Some guy who studies dinos and therefore, hasn't been laid, said this:

"It just shows that even here in the United States, there are still many new dinosaurs to be found." CNN- when it's four in the morning and you're sick of infomercials... why not give US a try?

To children this means new dinosaurs to invoke the imagination... to parents this means new toys you have to purchase for said children to prove that you love them. 

For us it means a fourth movie with Sam Neill.  I hope he's not busy with another film... ha ha ha... oh man... try saying THAT with a straight face!

Japan has invaded Norway!

Japan has mastered something they've been working on for years.  No, not an effective weapon against nuclear enhanced komodo dragons.

Cyborgs... that can dance.

It's a terrifying world we live in.  The future is now. 

Oh no! Someone get GI Joe on Line 3, ASAP

Poisonous cobras.  The most poisonous of all venomous cobras.  When one escapes, handcuffs are useless.  There is no S.S.W.A.T. (Snake Special Weapons and Tactics) Team.  I mean, if Michael Madsen can't defend himself against a snake... the average zoo patron doesn't stand a chance.

Therein lies the dilemma at the Bronx Zoo in New York.  MSNBC- Ok, so Bing sucked. But does Google have its own news station?

An Egyptian Cobra escaped from it's home (although to be fair, it's not necessarily a home, but more of a prison) on Friday.  Apparently one second the glass barrier was there... and the next, it was gone. 

Daniel Radcliffe is being held for questioning.

Snake experts state that they've got the situation contained, as the snake didn't leave the reptile house and is isolated from the visitors at the zoo.  This being said, they don't know where the snake is, don't have a solid game plan on capturing the snake, and seem to be using ambiguous quotes that really give no solace to satiate the public. 

Like this one:

"To understand the situation, you have to understand snakes," zoo Director Jim Breheny said in an email Sunday.  MSNBC- Snakes and Politicians... sometimes one in the same

At this point, our approach to handling chaotic situations has given me little faith against the dangers of modern day problems.  Katrina happened and the relief effort was a disaster.  It took how long to stop the oil spill by BP?  Now we've got problems in Japan, a place of great technological stability and ingenuity, and in 2011 there is a major nuclear problem causing irreperable damage to the people and places there.  I could be expecting too much, but in our modern day with all the amazing things at our disposal... I would hope that we'd have a better handle on the unexpected.  Now we can't handle a snake... one snake... in a contained area? 

Luckily, the snake won't attack anyone unless it feels threatened.  Which is good to release... because before this article came out, people were taunting it's ability to commit in a relationship, holding it up at gun point, and shouting vulgar words at loud decibels at it. 

Certain people state that Egyptian cobras were known as asps in ancient times.  In fact, an asp was used by Cleopatra to assist in her suicide.

Whether the asp on the loose is that same one from antiquity remains to be seen.

More like... Lois "Lame!"

Zack Snyder, you ignorant slut.

It has been released that Amy Adams will portray Lois Lane in the rebooted Superman film.  Apparently the same girl who always seems to play the neurotic, whiny, clumsy, girly girl is the perfect choice for the strong, capable, stubborn, and hard headed woman from DC comic book lore.  Yahoo! News- not to be confused with a popular chocolatey drink

Everyone is currently anticipating Snyder's press release revealing Elton John as Lex Luthor.

When asked why he finally decided on the same woman who played such forgettable roles as the one chick from Talladega Nights (yeah, you don't remember her name either, do you?), Tenacious D and the Pick of Destiny, The Ex, Underdog, Enchanted, Sunshine Cleaning, and Cruel Intentions 2... Snyder said, "It was between her and Peter Gallagher but Peter was already in the middle of filming another movie with a director who was actually good at making films."

A reboot is supposed to recreate a franchise... to make it appealing to a new generation.  If this film was intended to be such a thing, Snyder is failing miserably. 

When you pick someone for a role, you need to consider what their natural talents are.  The personality they have, what they're able to portray themselves as, how capable they are at their chosen craft.  You don't put Michael Cera as President George Washington.  Or the weakling from The New Guy as Thor.  You can't put Lindsay Lohan as Mother Theresa and Tom Hanks could never pull off a role as a sadistic cannibalistic serial killer.

People are already reserving seats in the theater that they are purposely not going to fill in the hopes that less people will be able to view this movie.
There is some good news despite all this...

The new Superman movie won't be out until December 2012, meaning we might be dead before it comes out (C'mon Mayan prophecy!)